Tag Archives: Star Trek

Green Room or Boring “Trapped Horror Movie” with Patrick Stewart

Green Room Poster

This is going to be a really awkward movie review for me.  First of all, it’s going to be quick.  I really don’t want to spend much time talking about this film.  And then I don’t want to waste your time reading about this film.  So, let’s get this over with, shall we?

Green Room is a “Trapped Horror Film”, (think the first Purge film, REC, The Shining, The Cube, etc.)  Now, The Shining is a good example of a “Trapped Horror Film”.  The trapping is done by the weather and the malevolence of the Stanley Hotel.  The film then adds to the terror by having one of the trapped become the main feature of violence and antagonism.  Another excellent example is John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982).  Again, a trapped environment with the tension so high that it hangs the cast by their underwear.

Literally the first image I found after Googling "Underwear"...something about that sounds wrong.
Literally the first image I found after Googling “Underwear”…something about that sounds wrong.

Now comes Green Room.  If you haven’t heard of it (I would not be surprised), then just understand it’s a sub-standard version of any sort of closed location horror film.  I just didn’t have a lot of love for the way this film was handled.

Created and written by a relative rookie indie film director, Jeremy Saulnier, who seems to be limited to writing some awkward dialogue and having possibly the most washed out color design in film I’ve seen recently.  On top of that, the creation of a film to showcase how a bunch of heroin producing Neo-Nazi’s enjoy their pastime is hardly something I look forward to in general.  It seems live punk-metal music is their true passion…oh, and hating all races, that’s a close second.

And I was sure it was all about hats and mustaches.
And I was sure it was all about hats and mustaches.

Anyway, the only thing I can really establish was the movie was filmed well.  That does show Saulnier’s talent.  Most of his film credits come from that of a cinematographer.  He does seem to have a knack for extreme closeups and every actor savors it when it’s their moment to shine.  The only real veterans in the film are Anton Yelchin and Imogen Poots, who reunite again since the campy Colin Farrell vampire remake Fright Night.

Oh, there was another reason this film was created: giving Patrick Stewart the chance to be a bad guy.  And the British Knight does a great job at being hateful and frightening. It’s entertaining to see the Enterprise captain calmly tell individuals to kill a no-name band and send attack dogs to maul people mercilessly.

Ah, that’s also a point that I could not stand in this film.  I’m sure there is a reason why I felt this way, but I just cannot get past a film that depicts graphic use of animals for horrific gains.  Of course the dogs were not hurt in the making of the film, but even having them “act” like they were killing people put a thorn in my head that I couldn’t remove with an entire lobotomy.

Honestly, not only was this film poorly made, completely meh on the actors, and just a complete silly mess of a story, but it just made me sick to my stomach.

Didn’t read my fancy words, here is the short version:

Unless your absolute favorite movies are Human Centipede, Hostel, or House of a 1000 Corpses, then skip this movie.  There is hardly any Patrick Stewart and what he does looks so unnatural that it’ll take you out of the film.  Is it even possible to want to spit on a film?


Star Trek 2009 Movie Poster

Five minutes away from my computer and the “Star Trek: Beyond” trailer gets released…

Can movie studios please STOP RELEASING TRAILERS THIS WEEK!  Not saying that I don’t appreciate it, but come on!  I’m unemployed here, I have to do something other than update this website!

"I like this job, it's exciting" Yeah Simon, but you'd probably get paid for this.
“I like this job, it’s exciting” Yeah Simon, but you’d probably get paid for this.

Anyway, check out the Beastie Boys’ new music video for “Sabotage” and some quick flashes of a more upbeat Star Trek than the last one. And I finally get to have Idris Elba in a franchise I love.  Also having Simon Pegg writing and Justin Lin directing, you could say I’m more excited for this one than Star Trek: Into Darkness.  If you’ve not seen Lin’s work, just know he’s the guy that did Fast Five (reinvention of the Fast & Furious franchise to make it actually interesting, oh and get The Rock and Vin Diesel to fight each other).

Forget Batman vs. Superman, THIS was the title match in 2011
Forget Batman vs. Superman, THIS was the title match in 2011.  They both played Khan though, it was weird

He also did all of the paintball episodes of the TV show “Community”. Those episodes had the best comedy and action I’ve ever seen since the original Die Hard.  So, you could say I’m excited.  However, I really don’t understand the title of “Star Trek” in this series since most of the action seems to take place on Earth or other planets.  Kirk says it himself in the trailer: “No ship, no crew….”  I would just like to see a little more *stars* in my Star Trek.  Is that so much to ask?

After all, we already had a stationary (pun intended) Star Trek
After all, we already had a stationary (pun intended) Star Trek