Tag Archives: JGL

Wednesday Wars: Time Moves too Slow (1 Day, 15 Hours Left!)

Morning Bleary-Eyed Fans, it’s Wednesday and you know what that means…

Wednesday Wars

Episode VIII

TIME MOVES TOO SLOW

It is one day before Star Wars: The Force Awakens releases in theaters. Many lives are at stake as no one knows the true power of The Force…of line stampeding. Hopefully your theater of choice has assigned seating.

Millions of people await this EPIC RELEASE without any fear that the Jedi Captain himself, J.J. ADAMS, has messed up the franchise or created another Episode I misfire. We here on “I Watch Too Many Movies” have faith in the living Force that this will not occur.

With this being the final WEDNESDAY WARS until we start getting excited for Episode VIII, we will throw everything we have at this difficult post and hope we find the thermal exhaust port to your funny bone. I guess that means we would kill you or something, but let’s gloss over that for now….

Yoda Joseph Gordon-Levitt finds this funny not. Yeesssssss.
Yoda Joseph Gordon-Levitt finds this funny it is not. With the desperation it is strong.

Even celebrities who got to attend the showing on Monday dressed up. You can see one of our favorite actors, JGL, up there in “Yoda-Face”.  I’m not sure, but I also see The Grinch lounge pants.  Reasons we love him #262.  Another star, Rainn Wilson showed up as a grizzled Jedi along with an adorable Boba Fett:

I seem to remember an episode of The Office in which Dwight did this, but I believe that could have been any sitcom's Halloween Episode
I seem to remember an episode of The Office in which Dwight did this, but I believe that could have been any sitcom’s Halloween Episode…it’s so original that nerds like Star Wars!

Now that we’ve hated with all our might those that walked the red carpet and saw The Force Awakens two days ago, let’s find some things fun in the world of Star Wars stuff.

Today I’ll lead off with a little girl who knows what she wants and her amazing parents who worked hard to get it done for her.  I present to you, a Princess Chewbacca Birthday cake:

Only true warriors are comfortable donning a proper Princess Dress.
Only true warriors are comfortable donning a proper Princess Dress.

I think they did a fantastic job.  Also make note of the little girl’s Imperial Head Band.  Make fun of her and I’m sure her Sith parents will ensure your windpipe closes with record speed.

The next few videos we have, come from the gluttonous geniuses at Epic Meal Time.  In celebration of the release of The Force Awakens, they create an over 70,000 Calorie BB-8 Beef Ball.  While I usually find some enjoyment in their culinary disturbances in The Force’s collective bowls, this one was over the top.  Just watch:

There isn’t much about food that turns me off, but that monstrosity comes close.   And of course they had to create something for breakfast as well.  I don’t feel as nauseated after watching this one.  Presenting the “Blue Milk Breakfast Sandwich”:

Let’s move away from the world of food and allow some disgustingly rich dude to show us all up and create the geekiest engagement device ever created:

beautifully-badass-lord-of-the-rings-inspired-lightsaber

You’re eyes do not deceive you.  That is a beautifully forged lightsaber to go with J. R. R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings world.  Instead of enslaving Middle Earth, our Earth, and the entire Galaxy, the individual who commissioned it from the amazing craftsmen at Vader’s Vault used it to merely ask for a someone’s hand in marriage.  All that aside, can you imagine if Sauron had wielded this type of power?  Especially if he had access to The Dark Side of the Force…he’d be one powerful Motherf-

Shut your
-Shut your mouth!  Say ‘Force’ again.  Say ‘Force’ again, I dare you, I double dare you…

Finally, we turn to Saturday Night Live, which has become merely a stage for The Lonely Island and Justin Timberlake to show off how talented they are, has come up with an excellent Star Wars toy commercial that rings all too true and hits close to home:

And yeah, I bought The Black Series figures on Force Friday.  And of course they’re still in their box!  You think I’m going to play with them? Well, I really wanted to but my wife wouldn’t let me.  Something about buying too many toys when we don’t have children.  I don’t know, I stopped listening pretty quickly.

Anyway, we hope you appreciated all of our Wednesday Wars posts this  year.  I also owe a special apology to Drag Queens for our post on the extremely uncomfortable looking Star Wars heels I wrote about on October 14th.  It was definitely not meant to single you all out.  I don’t believe anyone would be comfortable in those things.

We’ve enjoyed doing this segment and plan on continuing with a Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice countdown at the start of 2016. Hopefully we’ll find enough material to keep you all engaged and laughing like a victim of the Joker.

See how I tied Batman to Star Wars: Mark Hammil
See how I segued from Star Wars to Batman?  Mark freaking Hamill.

Lastly I want everyone to get a good eyeful of yours truly.  Dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi for the Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones premier:

Perhaps Attack of the Clones wasn't the best use of my costume, but I was in HIGH SCHOOL and we all make mistakes.
Perhaps Attack of the Clones wasn’t the best use of my costume, but I was in HIGH SCHOOL and we all make mistakes.  And no, I don’t know why the image is on its side. I’m not good at these new fancy computer tablet hybrids.

Have an excellent Wednesday and make sure to enjoy Star Wars: The Force Unleashed,in theaters this Friday.

I done told you!
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I’M A JEDI?  THEN WHY YOU TRY TO TALK TO HIM LIKE A JEDI?
Oh...
Oh…

-Darkmovienight

Concise Comedy- The Night Before or Typical Crazy Comedy Adventure Movie #101: Now with Christmas!

The-Night-Before-Movie-Poster

Going to try something new for comedic films.  In general, when you go to see a comedy, there is only one thing you need: the movie needs to make you laugh.  I could go for a huge review of the actors, the director, cinematography, atmosphere, writing, dialogue or even the absolutely insane demands some actors make while filming.

Yes your Majesty, we couldn't believe
Yes your Majesty, we too were disgusted by Tom Cruise’s demands

But what I’m trying to say is, all you want to ask is one question: Was it funny?  We’ll answer it as quickly as we can so you can get back to procrastinating.  You really should fix that lock on on your bathroom.

Next time we'll have more than just a camera...
Next time we’ll be back and bring more than just a camera…

Anyway, I’m going to try out the new format and we’ll go from there.

  • Are the actors good?

    • Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen, and Jillian Bell are hilarious.  There are also some awesome cameos, but no spoilers here. Anthony Mackie seems like he’s trying too hard. He should probably stick to being an Avenger for now: Bad. Ass.
  • Is the story stupid?

    • Not at all.  It’s actually pretty touching.  I wouldn’t mind adding it to Christmas and “coming of age” comedy classics. And there is only one or two moments of “fantasy/science fiction” that are not drug induced.
  • Who should I see this with?

    • Your best friends.  It’s all about friendship and growing up and if you can’t relate, you’re likely not human, but I’m not judging. I think Grandma might want to skip this one.  Unless she is still into the drug scene, then, more power to her.
    • General note on comedy films: try your best to see them with a large crowd, like opening weekend.  You will feed off the crowd as they laugh and you’ll have a lot more fun.  Just my personal experience, take it or leave it.
  • What movies would you compare it to?

    • Anything Seth Rogen and James Franco have been in
    • Anything Judd Apatow has written or directed
    • Harold and Kumar Series
  • Finally: Was it funny?

    • Yes.  It’s very much the juvenile humor we’ve come to expect from anything Seth Rogen is involved in (well, with one exception).  It’s got it all, absurd situations, drugs, sex, and Top 40 music.  JGL is amazing.  He sings, dances, gets beat up and adds all the feelings the movie needs.  Seth Rogen does his normal stuff and you’ll love him for it.  The Night Before is funny and you need to see it with your friends at home when you’re drinking, smoking, or completely sober.  You already missed opening weekend, so just wait for the home release.

Under 500 word count, I think that’ll do.

-Darkmovienight