Let’s face it, I really suck at updating this website. Something about how I would rather be watching The Flash or Supergirl on CW or eating lobsterthermidor in my pajamas:
Anyway, I suppose I have a real “job” (actually two), but I still enjoy writing about movies so much. Besides, I imagine hardly anything happened while I wasn’t doing this.
What in the holy windstorm? This is not right and I will boycott his death – #NotMyCorpse
Well that sort of puts a damper on things. One of my top favorite actors dies of complications from surgery. There are not supposed to be complications, that’s why it’s performed by a real licensed surgeon. Rest in Peace Mr. Paxton, you’re where tornadoes, aliens, or Kevin Bacon can’t get you. Well, there isn’t anything that could possibly make me feel better after that bit of news.
Oh, a new Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 trailer. And I know that James Gunn didn’t invent the trailer with a catchy song played over it (in case you were wondering, this time it’s Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’), but until he did the first Guardians of the Galaxy trailer. We were introduced to misfits, Chris Pratt, and “a bunch of a-holes” while the tune of Blue Swede’s ‘Hooked on a feeling’ was burrowing inside of our ears like a disgusting vagina monster.
Like I said, that trailer didn’t break any new ground, but I don’t believe we’d have a sequel (let alone Ant-Man, Doctor Strange, and a freaking INFINITY WAR AVENGER’S FILM) if it wasn’t for that trailer. I know Iron Man was what started this whole Marvel (then Disney) train, but since when did Robert Downey Jr. help spawn this:
The rest of the beautiful trailer is guns, gadgets, one-liners, cute tree creatures, and Kurt Russell doing his best visual impression of Jeff Bridges:
Of course it looks incredible and no one is likely to miss Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, but in the worst segue ever, it’ll never win an Oscar.
That was the big news was that of all the critically acclaimed films nominated for Best Picture, Bonnie and Clyde themselves, stole the Oscar and gave it to La La Land. We don’t know if Faye Dunaway (Bonnie) or Warren Beatty (Clyde) did it on purpose , but La La Land wasn’t the winner. Come to find out that Moonlight actually won the Oscar for Best Picture. And in the classiest move since The Queen Tweeted to her Country last year, La La Land producer Jordan Horowitz announced that the real winner was Moonlight.
My personal choice would have been Hidden Figures, but honestly, I only saw one of the other films that were nominated, so in this case, you really shouldn’t take this film reviewer’s opinion (although Hidden Figures really is amazing). While the Academy is still science fiction adverse (umm, Arrival), I had my own personal “Best Picture” in 2016…
Morning Bleary-Eyed Fans, it’s Wednesday and you know what that means…
TIME MOVES TOO SLOW
It is one day before Star Wars: The Force Awakens releases in theaters. Many lives are at stake as no one knows the true power of The Force…of line stampeding. Hopefully your theater of choice has assigned seating.
Millions of people await this EPIC RELEASE without any fear that the Jedi Captain himself, J.J. ADAMS, has messed up the franchise or created another Episode I misfire. We here on “I Watch Too Many Movies” have faith in the living Force that this will not occur.
With this being the final WEDNESDAY WARS until we start getting excited for Episode VIII, we will throw everything we have at this difficult post and hope we find the thermal exhaust port to your funny bone. I guess that means we would kill you or something, but let’s gloss over that for now….
Even celebrities who got to attend the showing on Monday dressed up. You can see one of our favorite actors, JGL, up there in “Yoda-Face”. I’m not sure, but I also see The Grinch lounge pants. Reasons we love him #262. Another star, Rainn Wilson showed up as a grizzled Jedi along with an adorable Boba Fett:
Now that we’ve hated with all our might those that walked the red carpet and saw The Force Awakens two days ago, let’s find some things fun in the world of Star Wars stuff.
Today I’ll lead off with a little girl who knows what she wants and her amazing parents who worked hard to get it done for her. I present to you, a Princess Chewbacca Birthday cake:
I think they did a fantastic job. Also make note of the little girl’s Imperial Head Band. Make fun of her and I’m sure her Sith parents will ensure your windpipe closes with record speed.
The next few videos we have, come from the gluttonous geniuses at Epic Meal Time. In celebration of the release of The Force Awakens, they create an over 70,000 Calorie BB-8 Beef Ball. While I usually find some enjoyment in their culinary disturbances in The Force’s collective bowls, this one was over the top. Just watch:
There isn’t much about food that turns me off, but that monstrosity comes close. And of course they had to create something for breakfast as well. I don’t feel as nauseated after watching this one. Presenting the “Blue Milk Breakfast Sandwich”:
You’re eyes do not deceive you. That is a beautifully forged lightsaber to go with J. R. R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings world. Instead of enslaving Middle Earth, our Earth, and the entire Galaxy, the individual who commissioned it from the amazing craftsmen at Vader’s Vault used it to merely ask for a someone’s hand in marriage. All that aside, can you imagine if Sauron had wielded this type of power? Especially if he had access to The Dark Side of the Force…he’d be one powerful Motherf-
Finally, we turn to Saturday Night Live, which has become merely a stage for The Lonely Island and Justin Timberlake to show off how talented they are, has come up with an excellent Star Wars toy commercial that rings all too true and hits close to home:
And yeah, I bought The Black Series figures on Force Friday. And of course they’re still in their box! You think I’m going to play with them? Well, I really wanted to but my wife wouldn’t let me. Something about buying too many toys when we don’t have children. I don’t know, I stopped listening pretty quickly.
Anyway, we hope you appreciated all of ourWednesdayWarspoststhisyear. I also owe a special apology to Drag Queens for our post on the extremely uncomfortable looking Star Wars heels I wrote about on October 14th. It was definitely not meant to single you all out. I don’t believe anyone would be comfortable in those things.
We’ve enjoyed doing this segment and plan on continuing with a Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice countdown at the start of 2016. Hopefully we’ll find enough material to keep you all engaged and laughing like a victim of the Joker.
Lastly I want everyone to get a good eyeful of yours truly. Dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi for the Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones premier:
Have an excellent Wednesday and make sure to enjoy Star Wars: The Force Unleashed,in theaters this Friday.
Hello Bleary-Eyed Fans. It’s Wednesday and I’m not lazy this week so it’s time for our weekly (sometimes) segment of Star Wars Celebration we call:
Running across this week’s post via Reddit/Facebook was a pure joy. It’s basically a stop motion film of Stormtroopers setting up a Christmas tree. I really wish they’d come and do mine because I really don’t want to do it.
Well, I’ll get out of the way and let the creator of these awesome photos get the credit and the laughs he deserves:
Hopefully you clicked through all of those and enjoyed them as much as I did. Make sure you go onto the creator’s page and share it with others. Of course you could share our post, but I think the original artist deserves more credit. Also, this was done a little while ago, so the last image referring to “19 Days” til The Force Awakens releases is so 4 days ago.
Good Morning Bleary Eyed Fans and welcome to a special segment of Wednesday Wars!
Yes, it’s that time again that we celebrate all things Star Wars and continue our countdown till we can return to a Galaxy Far Far Away. This is a special session of Wednesday Wars as we salute the Veterans of our Local Galaxy and those from long time ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away.
First off, we want to make it clear that we at I Watch Too Many Movies will not express our own personal beliefs on war and the various outcomes. Today is meant to honor those that chose or were chosen by their Governments, Resistances, or Empires to fight for their cause. Even if that cause was to enslave an entire galaxy. Now, onto our countdown!
5) The Sith Order
While many would call the Sith the primary antagonists in the Star Wars Universe, I propose that they were fighting a Holy War against the Jedi Order. Their basic dogma was one of control and order while exploiting the Force for power, aggression or personal gain. Unfortunately for many Sith, this inevitably led to both imperial conquest and their own self-destruction. Tyrannical despots such as Emperor Palpatine are prime examples of how their belief caused corruption, pain, and enslavement of others while engineering their own downfall. Other Sith, such as Darth Vader, who turned to the Dark Side due to fear and love for another were manipulated into the Sith Order’s Doctrine. Above we honor Darth Vader, previously Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, by presenting the only remaining fragment of his existence. A powerful reminder to not let Religious Dogma, fear, and charismatic tyrants influence you or anyone you hold dear.
4) The Jedi Order
Similar in many ways to the Sith, the Jedi Order were an ancient monk-like peacekeeping organization unified by the belief and observance of the Light Side of the Force. Again we have many heroes and veterans of the Jedi Order. One of the greatest Jedi to ever have lived perished after a long life of 874 years. We honor Jedi Master Yoda:
Due to a cruel purge of the Jedi Order by Emperor Palpatine, many of the veterans of The Clone Wars were exterminated quickly once the Emperor seized power of the Galactic Senate and formed the Empire. One such fallen hero, Jedi Master Mace Windu, was the first to be claimed by the rise to power of Emperor Palpatine. We honor this brave warrior:
A final hero and veteran of The Clone Wars, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, also known as General Kenobi, fought in a noble manner for the Jedi Order and Peace in the Galaxy. Master Kenobi was one of the only survivors of the Jedi Purge known as “Order 66”, thus beginning a silent and lonesome war against the Galactic Empire and even his friend and apprentice Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker.
We salute Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi as after defeating what his friend had become, he continued honoring the Jedi Order by caring for the offspring of his fallen friend. Master Kenobi met his end at the hands of his old apprentice, now the mechanized Sith Lord, Darth Vader. He also assisted the Rebel Alliance by taking part in the initial rescue of Leia Organa and saving young Luke Skywalker from Vader which would eventually be key to their victory in the Battle of Yavin. We honor Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi:
3) The Galactic Empire
While under the control of The Sith Lord, Emperor Palpatine, the veterans from the many engagements with the Rebel Alliance, remnants of the Galactic Senate, should be known but still held accountable for the various atrocities they were commanded to inflict upon innocents and other peaceful races and species in the Galaxy. Before becoming the Stormtroopers of the Galactic Empire, many were part of The Grand Army of the Republic during The Clone Wars. These veterans were once comrades in arms with the Jedi commanding during The Clone Wars. One such veteran, the Clone Trooper known as Commander Cody (CC-2224) fought with Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi until he was compelled to turn against his long time ally with his implanted loyalty program. Like all of his Clone brethren, Commander Cody executed Order 66, the Galactic Jedi purge, without question or ability to resist. His career ended with betrayal but as it was engineered into his very DNA (and brain), we still honor his service:
After The Clone Wars, many Clone Troopers were converted to the elite soldiers known as Stormtroopers to serve in the militia of the newly formed Galactic Empire. Once Clone production was slowed, and eventually halted, as others joined the Imperial War Machine, Stormtroopers became nameless soldiers of innumerable numbers. The conflicts in which they battled the Rebel Alliance, Stormtroopers were considered extremely expendable by Emperor Palpatine. After being defeated at the hands of the Rebels, prisoners of the Battle of Endor, and other conflicts throughout the Galaxy, many Stormtroopers were forced to see the horrors wrought by Palpatine. Some went into hiding and others began to develop an Imperial Remnant known as The First Order many decades later. Today we honor the fallen, the controlled, and remorseful Stormtrooper men and women:
2) The Rebel Alliance
Opposing the Galactic Empire, the Rebel Alliance has many heroes to mourn and even veterans that are still forced to continue the fight for freedom from the oppressive Galactic Empire and its Remnants, The First Order. Chief among the heroes of the Rebels is Jedi Knight (and now possibly Master) Luke Skywalker. Trained by Jedi Master’s Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda, Skywalker was integral to the fall of the Galactic Empire. First, single-handedly winning The Battle of Yavin by destroying the Original Death Star with The Force and Obi-Wan’s guidance, then conquering a personal battle against the Sith Lord Palpatine by refusing to kill his father, former Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, in the form of Darth Vader. This eventually lead to the downfall of Palpatine at the hands of Darth Vader, who had been redeemed by his son. While now in suspected isolation, Luke Skywalker remains a glorious veteran of the Galactic War.
Considered two of the bravest and most heroic soldiers: Han Solo and his long time companion, the Wookiee known as Chewbacca or “Chewie” to Han. Both heroes became renown Veterans of the Rebel Alliance by assisting Luke Skywalker in the destruction of the Original Death Star in the Battle of Yavin, supporting multiple rescues of the Rebel leader, Princess Leia Organa, and lead attacks against the Empire in the Battle of Endor, aided by the local inhabitants of Endor, the Ewoks. His ship, the now legendary Millennium Falcon held up against all odds and continues to be General Solo’s trusty starship.
Other heroes and veterans of the Galactic War who fought on the side of the Rebels are also honored below:
1) The United States Armed Services
While not part of any Galaxy Far, Far Away, the men and women who are veterans of all wars, conflicts, and engagements are honored today in the United States on Veteran’s Day.
Again, today’s Wednesday Wars post was mostly satire and fiction, we are not sharing our own personal opinions on war. However, we mourn the loss of all life in any conflict. This Veteran’s Day, please attempt to understand the hardships many Veterans suffer each and every day. From homelessness, neglected healthcare needs, or psychological trauma, many Veterans could use assistance. There are many ways to support Veterans, but this is entirely your own prerogative and we leave it completely up to you. As stated above, we are just presenting satire about the Veterans of the Star Wars Universe and some insight into what Veterans face here in the United States.
Join us next week as we choose a lighter topic for Wednesday Wars and continue the hype and countdown to the film, as we’re just over a month from the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens! Until then, may the Force be with you and many others that need it.
This post is personally dedicated to my Grandfather (PawPaw) who is a Veteran of the Korean War and has been lucky with his care since returning home in 1953.
Welcome all you Bleary-Eyed fans to Wednesday Wars!
Yes, it’s that time of week we like to celebrate the upcoming release of The Force Awakens with a handy countdown clock and a sweet sweet does of something amazingly Star Wars….y.
As the internet was being fed through my brain-mush last night, I happen to come across a very talented individual who mashed up the music from the final trailer for The Force Awakens with footage from the Original Trilogy. All I can say is that it is definitely worth a peek. So, for your viewing pleasure enjoy Medley Weaver’s (I’m trying to give credit to the creator, sorry if I linked to the wrong person) most excellent trailer:
The music just fits, and the dialogue could not have been more in tune with the mood. I would compare it to the original trailers, but I don’t trust any of them on the internet. Someday we should do a study about movie trailers and how they have changed over the many decades. All I remember is the Don LaFontaine doing his “In a world…” bit before almost every film. Those were good times.
Not a lot for today, but we wanted to make sure you all got your dose of Vitamin Force and stoke the hype machine’s engine a little more.
Enjoy your week Bleary-Eyed fans and May the Force be With You…but it’s kind of an hourly thing, so we’ll need it back by 5.
Happy Wednesday Bleary-Eyed fans and you know what that means…
It’s October 14th!
Wait, that’s not right, well, it is October 14th, but Wednesday means it is time for…
You’ll have to forgive your Movie Overlords, because not only are both of us working our Dictator butts off, but some of us are on vacation and decided to drive for hours, drink straight Captain Morgan for an hour, then pick up his phone and decide everyone needs to know his life story.
So, we’re feeling pretty lazy today, but it’s not going to stop us from bringing you top tier Star Wars weirdness. Since we haven’t received any submissions from our fans, I had to scour the Internet to find something relatively new and unique (believe me, don’t Google “Strange Star Wars Things“). But deep into the Dark Side of the Internet I did go and what your hero, Jedi Master Bruce Garrett (I know it’s not that inspired, but better than Anakin Skywalker…stupid name) found were these:
From a UK based company called Irregular Choice, these babies combine the rubber bottoms of a sneaker with the soul crushing high heel of the Classic Luke Skywalker lightsaber from Episode VI and VII.
I love the design, but the practicality is pretty much non-existent here. I suppose you could say that about most high-heels, but with a heel that is made out of a blade weapon of plasma and lasers just seems unruly. Here are a couple more shots:
Now I can neither confirm nor deny my desire to see a woman in one of these, but I’ll let you know that it’s not likely you’ll see me in a pair anytime soon. But if you have to walk down the red carpet for The Force Awakens, I suppose you could do worse:
All images are credited to the incredibly talented Irregular Choice team who have many more hell and flat choices and some really unique purses. Head over there and Like/Share their page because they deserve the love.
While you’re on Facebook, don’t forget to help out your Movie Overlords and share our page. We appreciate everyone who is already part of our community, but we command you to bring in more minions!