Category Archives: Epic

It’s two trailer Tues…..Hump Day!

Let’s face it, I really suck at updating this website. Something about how I would rather be watching The Flash or Supergirl on CW or eating lobster thermidor in my pajamas:

Stock photo of yours truly
Stock photo of yours truly, yes, abs included…ladies

Anyway, I suppose I have a real “job” (actually two), but I still enjoy writing about movies so much. Besides, I imagine hardly anything happened while I wasn’t doing this.
Bill Paxton

What in the holy windstorm? This is not right and I will boycott his death – #NotMyCorpse

Well that sort of puts a damper on things. One of my top favorite actors dies of complications from surgery. There are not supposed to be complications, that’s why it’s performed by a real licensed surgeon. Rest in Peace Mr. Paxton, you’re where tornadoes, aliens, or Kevin Bacon can’t get you. Well, there isn’t anything that could possibly make me feel better after that bit of news.

Oh, a new Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 trailer. And I know that James Gunn didn’t invent the trailer with a catchy song played over it (in case you were wondering, this time it’s Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’), but until he did the first Guardians of the Galaxy trailer. We were introduced to misfits, Chris Pratt, and “a bunch of a-holes” while the tune of Blue Swede’s ‘Hooked on a feeling’ was burrowing inside of our ears like a disgusting vagina monster.

We'll get to these guys soon
We’ll get to these guys soon

Like I said, that trailer didn’t break any new ground, but I don’t believe we’d have a sequel (let alone Ant-Man, Doctor Strange, and a freaking INFINITY WAR AVENGER’S FILM) if it wasn’t for that trailer. I know Iron Man was what started this whole Marvel (then Disney) train, but since when did Robert Downey Jr. help spawn this:

HUGE CAST
“I think we’re going to need a bigger set” – Russo Brothers

The rest of the beautiful trailer is guns, gadgets, one-liners, cute tree creatures, and Kurt Russell doing his best visual impression of Jeff Bridges:

"Yeah man it really tied the Marvel Cinematic Universe together" - The Dude, Roadhouse
“Yeah man it really tied the Marvel Cinematic Universe together” – The Dude, “Roadhouse”

Of course it looks incredible and no one is likely to miss Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, but in the worst segue ever, it’ll never win an Oscar.

She's not an Oscar, but I don't think fans know who she is either
She’s not an Oscar, but I don’t think fans know who she is either

Yeah, the 89th Academy Awards took place on Sunday. Last year I talked trash on the Oscars (and couldn’t guess the winners for crap), but at least I wasn’t the one announcing the awards.

"It wasn't me, I wasn't even there!" - Steve Harvey...sadly
“It wasn’t me, I wasn’t even there!” – Steve Harvey…sadly

That was the big news was that of all the critically acclaimed films nominated for Best Picture, Bonnie and Clyde themselves, stole the Oscar and gave it to La La Land. We don’t know if Faye Dunaway (Bonnie) or Warren Beatty (Clyde) did it on purpose , but La La Land wasn’t the winner. Come to find out that Moonlight actually won the Oscar for Best Picture. And in the classiest move since The Queen Tweeted to her Country last year, La La Land producer Jordan Horowitz announced that the real winner was Moonlight.

You= asdfasdfsf
You, Jordan Horowitz, are the real MVP

My personal choice would have been Hidden Figures, but honestly, I only saw one of the other films that were nominated, so in this case, you really shouldn’t take this film reviewer’s opinion (although Hidden Figures really is amazing). While the Academy is still science fiction adverse (umm, Arrival), I had my own personal “Best Picture” in 2016…

"And I'm quite the looker" - Deadpool
“And I’m insanely sexy” – Deadpool

It was either that or Captain America: Civil War.

Oh yeah, forgot about these things
Oh yeah, forgot about these things, never forget about these terrifying creatures

Have a good night.

-Darkmovienight

Official Rogue One Trailer 2…The Resisting!

Hello fellow Bleary-Eyed Friends!

It’s been a long time since your Uncle Darkmovienight had anything of substance to say, but waking up this morning to a brand new Rogue One: A Star Wars Story trailer was just the kick in the pants this old reviewer needed to get out of bed, grab some coffee, oatmeal, and laptop and toss out a few hundred words!

sleep-walking
Although to be honest, I didn’t really wake up or get out of bed, it was more like I tried to use The Force to get my laptop until I had to go over and bring it back to bed with me…

So in this new and beautiful trailer, we’re treated to a little more of Jyn Erso and her rousing speeches, which will surely inspire the tiny Rebellion to take on the massive Empire in all out war.  We also get a look at how the brilliant Mads Mikkelsen is involved in this prequel to the original Star Wars: A New Hope.

"Oh no, hesa said the P-word!"
“Oh no, hesa said the P-word!”

Just tiny bits of musing from the trailer:

  • They said the name of the movie in the trailer!  You know it’s going to be quality when that happens.
  • Gotta love the menacing walk of Darth Vader to the nameless White Shirt.  Will always admit, Vader walking full speed at anyone is just terrifying.
  • Also, speaking of Vader, watching the character of Director Orson Krennic, portrayed by the talented Ben Mendelsohn, seemingly pleading and yelling at the Dark Lord of the Sith shows how passionate he is about this “technological terror”.  Makes me wonder where he is when Tarkin is talking about it in A New Hope.
  • The money shot of the trailer is really the hazy view we get of the completed Death Star rising above the clouds (it’s around the 1 minute mark if you want to see what I’m talking about, but it’s not like you’re going to watch the trailer multiple times or anything…

So there we have it, another fantastic trailer in the books from the House of Mouse and Lucasfilm.  From all the hubbub about re-shoots and changing composers, I believe everyone needs to temper their expectations just a bit.  I don’t think it’ll be a train-wreck, but I also don’t think it’s going to be anywhere near what J.J. Abrams accomplished with Episode VII.  Remember, we’re watching a film directed by the young Gareth Edwards who only has 7 film credits to his name thus far, so we’ll see what he can do.

But if you’re like me, your butt is going to be firmly planted in a seat when Rogue One: A Star Wars Story releases on December 16th.

-Darkmovienight

PS- Need to apologize to all those that suckle at the breast of I Watch Too Many Movie‘s reviews.  We’ve done a terrible job at keeping you up to date with the film world.

gross-hands
Just realized we haven’t had a Monday Morning Shower Report on the Box Office since JULY! You’ve gotta be pretty gross by now…

Although I also blame Hollywood since there really hasn’t been a film of note since Suicide Squad, and when that’s the benchmark, we all know this has been a lousy year of movie-going.  But we’ll try to do our best to update things more and get everyone involved again, especially with a Holiday Season packed with a new Marvel film, some movie about talking to aliens, a new Harry Potter film, new animated Ethnic Disney Princess film, one based on a Video Game Series, and even a film featuring the voice of Liam Neeson!  So we’ll keep you up to date and these films plus more reviewed in the next few months.

Swiss Army Man: The Most Sincere and Profound Fart Joke of Our Time

It’s not often that we find a film which starts with a person who’s about to hang themselves on a deserted island. Less frequent still are those which follow it up with a fart joke montage. This is such a film.

We start with Hank (Paul Dano) stuck on an island, by himself. He looks to be in poor condition, suffering from exposure to the elements, dehydration, hunger, and depression. As he’s about to yield himself to the mercy of the rope he notices a person who washed up. After he slips and damn-near succeeds in his now-aborted suicide attempt (rope breaks, he survives, watch the trailer), he races to the person (Manny, played by Daniel Radcliffe) only to find out that he is dead. He attempts to resuscitate the person with no success.

Despite his unsuccessful resuscitation attempt, Hank finds Manny useful in a number of ways, most of which I couldn’t begin to do justice to here. I will say that the fart joke is a common theme throughout, they were really committed to that.

The acting in this film was amazing. Daniel Radcliffe pulls off “dead,” and in-so-doing really caused me to spend some time thinking about what a challenge actually playing dead would really be. His character, Manny has a lot of experiences which Radcliffe really does well.

Hank is played by Paul Dano, who I never really paid that much attention to in the past but now is on my list of actors I follow. While some of the plot points and character development for Hank were cliché – we get it, you’re a smart, lonely and shy person; get over yourself Hank! – the delivery was incredible. You don’t expect to find sexual tension in a film with a man stranded on a deserted island and his best buddy corpse, but here it is and it was pretty good.

While I want to say that Sarah (played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is a tired love interest, she really played an interesting part near the end where the motivation of her character is to be profoundly creeped out and disturbed. She did that well, just as she did in 10 Cloverfield Lane (which I still totally need to review, though I watched it and so should you).

This film had one weak point: the ending. Everything up until the ending was amazing: the acting, the plot (minus cliché shy loser character), the photography, the sound, the music – I’ll get to the music in a moment! – and even the incredible lighting effects they had in the aquatic scenes… and then they had to destroy it with a unsatisfying ending.

will not tell you the ending of this film, it’s worth watching to see the ending, and you won’t understand what I mean about how unsatisfying it is until you’ve seen the full epic. I will help you imagine it though.

Do you remember Big Fish? Do you remember the endearing scene at the end where all of the people who were in the father’s stories showed up to send him off? Well, it kinda seems like they tried to do that, except instead of fanciful characters from stories, it’s a smattering of awkward characters vaguely referenced from earlier in the film. While they’re going for an endearing finale, it falls flat and even has a smattering of child endangerment. It’s not great.

One thing that this film really excelled at was music. Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe themselves perform a lot of the music in the film, and it’s all quite well done. I know that many folks don’t always focus that much on the soundtrack, but you’ll miss out on this film if you do not. I can’t wait to go to work tomorrow to see if I can find this soundtrack on Spotify or iTunes.

All-in-all this is an excellent movie. They won Sundance, and they really just hit it out of the park. I really enjoyed this film, and the fact that this film could be poorly summarized to being a 97 minute fart joke adds to that enjoyment.

Update

I found the music on Spotify, I encourage you to check it out. It’s pretty sweet.